The Permission You've Been Waiting For (That Only You Can Give)

Here’s a question most of us can relate to: How long have you been waiting for someone to tell you it's okay to be yourself?

I used to think permission was something other people gave me. A boss who said yes to my ideas. A friend who validated my feelings. A parent who finally understood my choices. 

I spent years collecting these external stamps of approval, thinking that once I had enough of them, I'd finally be free to live authentically.

But here's what I learned the hard way: the permission you're waiting for can only come from you.

The Permission Trap

We live in a world that teaches us to seek approval before we act. From childhood, we learn that we can’t just do; we need to ask, first. These early lessons serve a purpose, but somewhere along the way, we internalize the message that we need external validation to make choices about our own lives.

This shows up everywhere:

• Staying in jobs that drain us because they're "safe" and "what we should do"

• Hiding our quirks and passions because they might seem "weird" to others

• Apologizing for taking up space, having opinions, or pursuing our dreams

• Waiting for the "right time" or the "right person" to tell us we're ready

The truth is this: you've been ready all along. You’re the only one who needs to give yourself permission. 

When You Know But Don't Go

One of our recent Authentic You grads was waiting for permission to start the next chapter of her life. She wasn’t in the “figuring it out” stage anymore (that one where you’re like “why am I here? What am I doing with my life?”) She knew what was next. But making the leap into was… scary, to say the least. 

Her own journey had informed this dream. Deep down, she could see herself making a real difference in people's lives through psychology. The calling was clear, the passion was there, but something held her back.

Meanwhile, she found herself increasingly anxious in her current position, feeling disconnected from work that didn't align with her true purpose. The gap between who she was and how she was living grew wider each day.

Sound familiar? Yeah, it is for most people. 

Here's what she discovered through our Authentic You program: the permission she was seeking had to come from within. No amount of external validation would ever feel like "enough" until she decided she was enough, exactly as she was, to pursue her calling.

Today, she's applying for her Master's in Psychology. Not because someone finally told her she could, but because she gave herself permission to honour what she'd known all along.

The Stage and the Permission to Shine

I can see it in my own journey, too. I’ve always had the calling to get up on a stage and share my stories, my ideas, my passion with others. But everything I was taught told me that taking up space on a stage would make me “too much” for others. I couldn’t risk it. 

So I stayed small. 

But slowly—and this is the beautiful part—I began giving myself permission to take up space. Not all at once, but in small, brave increments. I said yes to opportunities that scared me. I started teaching in small groups, then larger ones, then taking on keynotes at conferences. 

The stage became a metaphor for everything I’d been afraid to claim: my voice, my space, my right to be seen and heard.

The shift wasn't about becoming someone new. It was about finally allowing myself to be who I’d always been.

The Hard Truth About Big Shifts

Let's be honest: giving yourself permission isn't always a gentle, graceful process. It can feel terrifying to step into your authenticity when you've spent years seeking approval from others.

If you’re like me, you might worry about:

• Disappointing people who prefer the "old" you

• Making the "wrong" choice and looking foolish

• Discovering you're not as capable as you hoped

• Losing relationships that were built on your smaller self

These fears are real, and they're valid. Transformation is rarely comfortable. But here's what I've learned from watching people step into their authentic selves: the discomfort of growth pales in comparison to the pain of staying stuck.

When I first stepped onto that stage, my hands shook. When our Authentic You grad submitted her graduate school application, she felt terrified. But we did it anyway—not because we felt ready, but because we decided to trust ourselves more than our fears.

Recognizing When You're Stuck in Permission-Seeking

How do you know if you're waiting for permission instead of taking ownership of your life? Here are some signs:

You catch yourself saying:

• "I should probably wait until..."

• "I don't know if I'm qualified/ready/good enough yet"

• "What will people think if I..."

• "I need to make sure it's okay with [everyone else] first"

You find yourself:

• Researching endlessly without taking action

• Asking everyone else's opinion before trusting your own

• Making decisions based on what others expect rather than what you want

• Feeling resentful when others don't give you the green light you're seeking

Your inner dialogue sounds like:

• "I need more experience before I can..."

• "Maybe someday when the timing is better..."

• "I'm not the type of person who..."

• "I couldn't possibly..."

If any of these resonate, you're not alone. However, permission-seeking is a learned behaviour, which means it can be unlearned.

Three Questions to Shift from Seeking to Taking

Ready to stop waiting and start living? These reflection questions will help you identify where you're giving your power away and how to reclaim it:

1. Where in your life are you waiting for permission that will never come?

Maybe it's starting that business, having that difficult conversation, pursuing that dream, or simply showing up as your full self in your relationships. Get specific. What are you waiting for someone else to approve?

2. What would you do if you already had all the permission you need?

Imagine you woke up tomorrow with a certificate that said "You are officially allowed to be yourself and pursue what matters to you." What would change? What would you start? What would you stop?

3. What's the cost of staying stuck in permission-seeking mode?

This might be the most important question. What is waiting costing you? What opportunities are passing by? What version of yourself remains unexpressed? Sometimes the pain of staying stuck becomes greater than the fear of moving forward—and that's when real change happens.

Your Permission Slip

Here's the truth that might save you years of waiting: You don't need anyone's permission to be yourself.

You don't need permission to:

• Take up space in rooms where you belong

• Pursue work that aligns with your values

• Set boundaries that protect your energy

• Express your authentic thoughts and feelings

• Change directions when something isn't working

• Dream bigger than others think is "realistic"

• Show up as your full, complicated, beautiful self

The world needs what you have to offer—not a watered-down, permission-seeking version, but the real you with all your quirks, passions, and unique gifts.

Make It Your Own

As you reflect on your own relationship with permission, I want you to consider this: What would happen if you decided to trust yourself as much as you trust everyone else's opinions?

Your authentic self isn't waiting for external validation to exist. She's been there all along, patiently waiting for you to give her permission to emerge.

The question isn't whether you're ready—it's whether you're willing to begin.

Your turn: Take a moment right now and identify one area where you've been waiting for permission that will never come. What's one small step you could take today to give yourself the green light you've been seeking?

Share it in the comments below, or simply make a commitment to yourself. Sometimes the most revolutionary act is deciding you're allowed to be who you already are.

Ready to dive deeper into discovering your authentic self? Our Authentic You program is designed to help you stop seeking permission and start living with purpose. Learn more about how we can support your journey.