The Routine Rebellion: Why Your Perfect Day Keeps Changing (And Why That's Actually Perfect)

I used to say, “routines aren’t for me. I don’t like structure.” 

That was a lie. I DO like structure. I need it, actually. With recently diagnosed ADHD, I realized that while my brain likes to reject rigid, unchanging structure, it does need some form of structure. 

But I struggled with it for a long time. Every few months, I’d design the perfect morning routine: 5:30am wake-up, meditation, journaling, green smoothie, workout. I'd nail it for about three days. Then life would interrupt and I’d be back to rolling out of bed 3 minutes before my first meeting and scrambling to get a coffee together. 

The thing was, I was being too rigid for what I needed. And worse, I was going from 0 to 100 in a single day. I don’t know about you, but that kind of change isn’t usually sustainable for me. 

What I really needed (and what I now have) is a routine that evolves with my goals, energy levels, time commitments, and lifestyle, and one that I can build on over time. 

This shift has completely changed my life. Days don’t feel impossible, or like they slip away from me anymore. I come to my day prepared and ready to go. 

That’s the main reason we’ve developed our Habits & Routine Reset workshop—to help people who have struggled with this for years finally build something that works for them. And I’m going to give you the starting point in this post. 

The Myth of the One Perfect Routine

One of my biggest struggles was looking at other people’s routines and thinking, “I need to do that. If I can just do that, I’ll be rocking it!” 

Not true. 

Life (and routines) look a lot different depending on whether you’re a 46-year-old entrepreneur without kids versus a 30-year-old parent with toddlers. What works in summer when the sun rises early looks nothing like what works in the dark depths of winter. What works when you're energized and inspired looks nothing like what works when you're grieving, healing, or rebuilding.

You also don’t need to follow “the rules” that seem to come up over and over. You don't need to wake up at 5am if you're currently waking at 8. You don't need to meditate for an hour if it’s only going to drive you crazy. It’s about what you need, not about “shoulds.”

What I realized two years ago as a 32-year-old entrepreneur with no kids but huge swings in energy levels was that I needed more flexibility (i.e. spaciousness) in a routine. 

Structure vs. Spaciousness: What Do You Actually Need?

Some people thrive on structure. They love knowing exactly what happens when. For these people, a solid, consistent routine clears mental space for creativity and decision-making.

Other people (like me!) suffocate under too much structure. They need spaciousness, flexibility, room to follow their curiosity wherever it leads that day. 

Most of us need some combination of both, and that combination shifts depending on what's happening in our lives.

Ask yourself:

• Am I craving more order right now, or more freedom?

• Do I feel scattered and need anchors, or boxed in and need breathing room?

• What season of life am I actually in? (not the one I think I should be in)

There's no wrong answer. The point is to notice what's true for you right now, and build from there.

But What About Consistency?

Here's where it gets interesting: consistency doesn't mean doing the exact same thing in the exact same order every single day. That’s what I used to think, too. And I shied away from it because it felt boring (and like I wasn’t really living, but just following a pre-set pattern). 

What I know now is that real consistency is showing up for yourself in whatever way makes sense today. It might even include doing the same things you normally would, but doing them slightly differently. 

Here’s what my nightly “before-bed” routine looks like (right now, anyway), and how I adapt it: 

• Tidy up my house and clear off my counter

• Prep my coffee and clothes for the next day and make sure my phone and laptop are charging overnight

• Wash my face, floss my teeth (my dentist loves me now), and take my vitamins (ditto on my doctor)

• Do some personal reading

• Stretch 

• Listen to a meditation or sleep story

These items almost always happen, but they happen in whatever order I feel like. Sometimes, when I know I’m going to be going to bed late, I do what I can earlier in the day (like tidying up and prepping for tomorrow). 

On nights where I have a lot of time, I’ll take my time doing these things, reading for an hour and doing a full stretching routine. When time is short, I still check these boxes, but I do what makes sense, maybe listening to an audiobook while I tidy up and get ready and keeping my stretching to a quick toe touch and neck roll. 

The consistency here is in doing the things I’ve set out whenever possible, in whatever way possible. That’s what maintains momentum. I get the “feel good” of knowing I did some deliberate things to take care of myself, but without saying, “well, if I don’t go hardcore every day, why bother?” I’m not abandoning myself when life changes; I’m just adapting how I show up.

And every once in a while, something in my life shifts so that my routine has to shift more significantly. I used to try to journal before bed, but by that point, I was tired of writing and it felt like a chore. So I dropped it and switched it to my morning routine, which worked better. 

It seems strange, but experimentation and change are always going to be necessary to get the consistency we want out of our habits and routines.

The 1-Degree Shift That Changes Everything

You've probably heard the analogy: if a plane takes off from Los Angeles heading to New York but adjusts its course by just one degree, it lands in a completely different city.

Your daily routines are those one-degree adjustments.

I’ve tried the “I’m going to overhaul my entire life tomorrow” schtick so many times, it’s almost laughable. Spoiler alert: it’s never happened. The more important changes happen from tiny daily habits that take a while to instill. 

You don't need to overhaul your entire life tomorrow. You just need to shift one small thing, consistently, in the direction of who you want to become.

Maybe it's:

• Five minutes of silence before you check your phone

• One question you ask yourself each night: "What did I need today that I didn't give myself?"

• A 10-minute walk after lunch to reset your energy

Do that for 30 days, and you'll be amazed how different you feel. But once you do it for a year, you’ll be amazed by the results, and it won’t feel like you’ve been pushing against a wall for no reason.

What Morning Routines Actually Look Like (For Real People)

Let's get specific, because I think we've all been fed the same aspirational morning routine that works for approximately 2% of humans.

Here's what morning routines might actually look like for real people with real lives:

For the parent with young kids: Wake up 15 minutes before the chaos, make coffee, sit somewhere comfy, and breathe. That's it. That's the routine. 

For the night owl forced into a 9-5 world: Gentle wake-up with no alarm (on weekends), stretch in bed, slow breakfast while reading something you actually enjoy, then ease into your day. Productivity can wait until your brain is fully online.

For the person rebuilding after major life change: Wake up naturally, check in with your body and emotions before you do anything else, move in whatever way feels good (yoga, dance, walk, or just stretching), then one small creative act—writing three sentences, taking one photo, sketching for five minutes.

For the person who thrives on structure: Same wake-up time daily (even weekends), movement (gym, run, or home workout), protein-rich breakfast, review your intentions for the day, tackle your most important task first.

For the person in a busy season: Micro-routine: one minute of intentional breathing, gratitude for three things while making coffee, set one intention while getting ready. Sometimes micro is all we've got, and that's enough!

Notice what these have in common? They're built around what that specific person needs, not what looks good on paper.

How to Adapt When Life Happens

Life will happen. Vacations, sick kids, holidays, work travel, unexpected crises, joyful disruptions—all of these can so easily derail a great routine. It’s happened to me so many times. 

That’s why it’s important to plan for a routine that can bend to the situation. Getting out of a habit is so easy. Getting back into it is so hard. Don’t let it slip because of a small interruption!

Here are some ideas for how to manage interruptions: 

When you're traveling: Bring one anchor habit with you. Maybe it's your morning coffee ritual, your journal, or a specific playlist you always listen to. Choose at least one, but don’t pressure yourself to get it all done.

When you're in crisis mode: Strip everything down to the absolute minimum. What's the one thing you can do today that will make you feel like you showed up for yourself? Do that. Let everything else go.

When holidays disrupt everything: Decide in advance: am I embracing full spaciousness for these two weeks, or am I keeping one grounding practice? Both are valid. Just choose consciously and make a plan to return to the routine after if you’re taking a break. At that point, you might have to ease back into it.

When you're in a new season: Give yourself 2-3 weeks to experiment. Add something. Drop something. But don’t abandon everything all at once. Ask yourself, what do I need to ease into this new rhythm? 

The Routine That Actually Matters

Want to know the most important routine you can build?

Regularly asking yourself: "Is this still serving me?"

Not once a year during some big life audit, but regularly. Maybe even weekly.

Because the “you” from six months ago (or even a week ago) made choices based on who you were then. Things change. YOU change. And you get to update those choices based on who you are right now.

I make updates to my habits and routines all the time. Sometimes they stick. Sometimes they don’t. Making it easy to experiment (and giving yourself permission to experiment) is what’s most important.

Here's what I want you to take away from this:

You don't need to find the perfect routine and stick to it forever. You need to build the muscle of self-awareness so you can notice what you need right now. Throw the “shoulds” out the window and do what you need. It’s as simple (and as difficult!) as that. 

Ready to Design a Life (and Routine) That Actually Fits You?

If you're tired of forcing yourself into routines that don't fit, or feeling guilty every time your schedule shifts, our Habits & Routines Reset Workshop on November 19 is for you.

We're not going to give you another morning routine template. We're going to help you build the self-awareness to know what you actually need, the tools to create your own rhythm, and the confidence to let it evolve as you do.

Because the goal isn't perfection. It's presence. It's showing up for yourself in a way that feels authentic, sustainable, and maybe even a little bit fun.

Join us for the Workshop →

Let's stop rebelling against ourselves and start building routines that celebrate who we actually are.